Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Randomize
