you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize
