I'm going to jail i love you
It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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