pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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