"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
