3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Randomize
