Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
