Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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