and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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