The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Randomize
