Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Randomize
