Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
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