You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
babies were throwing up all over the place
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Randomize
