Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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