I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Randomize
