90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
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