Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
