Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
