forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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