your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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