The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Randomize
