he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Randomize
