yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Randomize
