remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
please come you make the beer taste better
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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