Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
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