This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
