I bet he comes in French.
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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