She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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