FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
