And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
