my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
you win again, gameday.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
A bitchslap is in order.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Randomize
