you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
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She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
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No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
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