i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Randomize
