The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
These tits shall not be calmed
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
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