I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
dude i'm inner monologue high
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
