I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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