you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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