Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
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