He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
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