Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
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