Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
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