I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
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apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
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Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
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