I will die if light touches me.
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
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