i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
