I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
