I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize
