Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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