saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
