I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
