Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
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