it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Randomize
