I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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