Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
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