Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Randomize
