Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
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