CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
it was like having sex with a tree stump
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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