Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
I queefed so loud it echoed.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Randomize
