dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
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Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
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You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
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