weddingsv make me drug and hornr
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
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