I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
