I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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