my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
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