Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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