it's not cheating when I paid for it
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
