I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Randomize
