I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
